Guidelines for raising perfect children

• Ensure that they have everything they want. NEVER EVER say no to them - food, clothes, designer gear, electronic toys.
• Never set boundaries for them
• Always take them side against authorities like teachers, old people and the police. Encourage them to blame everything on every 'ism' there is - racism, sexism etc and if this fails there is always 'the system'. Always encourage them to see themselves as victims of this 'system'.
• Encourage them to eat enough cholesterol and drink enough Alcohol to give them serious health concerns for the future
• Never tell them to think about getting a career, having aspirations for the future and studying because this might get them bullied for being 'teachers pet'.
• Encourage them to mirror themselves after 'celebs' like football players, pop stars and the kind of people that keep tabloid magazines and newspapers front pages occupied
• Swear copiously in front of them so that when they grow up they can use this language on members of the public, the police or their teachers and probably eventually, you.
• Laugh and encourage them to play their MP3 loudly on public transport
• Laugh and encourage them to eat smelly food on trains
• Laugh and encourage them to believe that society and the world owes them so that they do not grow up with any sense of responsibility for their own lives or destiny
• Encourage yourself that as difficult as it is - you will do your best to give your child the best chance he can get by ensuring that the above points just remain a figment of your worst nightmares - or a good guide on how not to raise children.
• N.B - Perfect children do not exist. Even in fairy tale books - there was always some kid who just would not do what he was told.......

Mad dogs and English people

Sadly it has happened again. Another innocent kid has got attacked by a family 'pet' and while social services and the police argue about whose fault it is - a child life has been needlessly lost because someone felt it was cool to breed a dangerous dog alongside a little toddler at the same time.

Im a bit ambivalent about dogs and cats so who am I to judge - its just that maybe sometimes it might be good if some people could just quantify and weigh up what they value more on the great scale of things - baby or dog.

Sometimes you just cant have everything.

A couple of times I have been faced with young men and sometimes girls trying to look 'hard' and 'cool' being dragged off by a dog who is more in control of the situation than they are. Maybe the dog is the accessory to looking cool ..or maybe its the baby ...or maybe I just dont know. In South London use what ever you like - just look the part. So that the world will see you and know not to 'mess' with you.

In Nigeria people have fixed ideas about babies and dogs. Babies stay inside and Dogs stay outside and while that might not always be acceptable here - there is a lot to be said for their sense of value of human beings. Someone told me that she trusts her dog more than she does human beings. Dogs cant betray you, cant hurt you and cant mess you around. They also cant talk outside cartoons, and since they dont possess our level of intellect (really I know its hard to believe sometimes the way we carry on) that argument doesnt really hold a lot of water.

Some people let their dog sleep on their beds and eat out of their plates. I can imagine what my dear Aunt of blessed memory would say about that but its already been said before. Remember that poem about Mad dogs and Englishmen. Jolly marvellous in the summer in a leafy English garden but a little tricky in a little flat in inner city London.

Selah.

I have a dream

Im back again after an absence of over a year. Its been a busy year - what with going back to Uni, working on some writing projects and writing a dissertation - but its been fun.

There have been a lot of good changes - and I am truly thankful to God.

I graduated last week and it was a good feeling sitting there with my fellow graduands, watching them smile and laugh.

As a writer I did ponder about what the future holds for us. How many of us will get the jobs of our dreams ....how many of us will get jobs ...period. Meanwhile I work but I plan ahead for I really dream doing which is writing.

I dream all the time - day dream I mean and its really beneficial for a writer. I can sit and type away at work and plan a chapter in my head - characterisation, plot, voice etc.

I can be on the tube sandwhiched between someones armpit and another resting his bony hands on my head and think about a little cottage in the countryside with a roaring fire and a PC and myself tappping away outside. Occasionally I let myself imagine a tall hunk outside with playing children .... but enough of that for now.

I had a dream when I was a kid - that I would write and its taken many years of deviating into different things, of working at a selection of different jobs with differing amounts of job satisfaction before I finally got a foot on the first rung of the writers ladder to success. I have won a couple of competitions, people want me to write for them and do readings and I can finally see that dream taking shape.

I see a cloud like a mans hand like Gehazi, I see men like trees ..... and in order to write very well I need to tap into my five senses and write what I see but dont see, hear but dont hear, smell but dont smell and out of my own world - project the dream I see so that others can dream along with me.

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Ciao.

Back to blogging

Im back blogging after an absence of almost a year taken off to do more writing...hope to be more regular than I was b4....



I love writing and have done so since days of old

I was always scribling something away or so Ive been told

I write short stories, the odd poem and am writing a novel

Also am writing a book on singleness while Im still single so it hits the target

And a set of daily reflections for single women as well

You can find examples of my work at http://www.wordsofcolour.co.uk under competitions and the 'A week in the life of a budding writer'..

African.writing.com - the Dec/Jan 08 edition and also the recent June edition for some of my work.

Also have had a short story published by Secret Attic.com in their 2007 anthology

Please let me have your comments about my work.



I also love eating, travelling and the occasional shop but thats another story for another blog entry

When I grow up (and I am still growing )

When I grow up says a little girl I want to be the next Britney

When I grow up says a little boy I want to play for Chelsea

When I grow up said I as a little girl I want to be married by twenty.

Years have gone by and I still have a lot of growing up to do. Just when I think Ive cracked it God shows me another area where I need to grow up. Right now I may want to conquer the publishing world and make an impact too irreversible to deny, minister to the world through my writing and maybe song.... but first let me learn to pray more regularly, fast more regularly, care about others more than I do myself, learn not bear a grudge, learn to be the first to say sorry, exalt God's will in my life more than what I want to do, deal with the unruly desires swirling around in my head like a troubled sea and walk in Gods perfect peace that passes all understanding.
Amen.

This too shall pass

Havent posted anything for over a month because of my very active social life and all those dates that I have been invited out to. Sorry only kidding. Spent a couple of weeks with the flu and then it was one thing or the other.

But glad to report Feb 14 passed without any major event. It was just like all the other ones before it - the day after the 13th and before the 15th. While like many other single women I went about my usual duties while the world celebrated Love - or in those immortal words of Prince Charles when asked when whether he was in love with Princess Di after they got engaged - whatever that means.

God is the ultimate authority on love. The pure kind of love that is higher than the highest pinnacle we can ever think of and is stubborn enough to keep forgiving when we dont deserve it. The kind of love that makes you give away your only precious Son to die for the sin of man.
The kind of love that gets us saved and still keeps on loving us, warts and all.

Then there is the kind of love that we as fallen human beings crave - the love of a another human being. The need for love, affection, a good chat when you come back from work, someone to share your successes and challenges with - someone to love and be loved by. Contrary to what I have been told by many married people that when I pray and fast and really really get deep in the Lord - these erratic desires that seem to increase in intensity around holiday periods just dont simply disappear. Sometimes I wish they did.

I dont think you can ever get so anointed that you forget that you are not just spirit and soul- but that you have a body as well.

I draw consolation in the fact that these facilitating emotions are fleeting- and that in the next couple of days I would have put my desires for home and family on the back burner of the hidden recesses of my mind and put on my cool calm collected mask- the one I let most people see especially when I am in church. Only problem is that - its just as fleeting and all it takes sometimes is a cute baby, a couple walking hand and hand or attending another wedding to bring all those old familiar desires back again.

I am reminded yet again to keep my heart (mind, spirit, soul emotions) with all diligence because from it comes the issues of life.

You see these feelings shall pass-

How to make friends and meet new (intresting) people

Lets face it we were created for Fellowship. Vertically God with man. Horizontally with each other. Yet we know its not always easy.

We sometimes wonder whether everyone we meet is out to fleece us, betray us, drag us down the aisle just by exchanging the common pleasantry of "Good morning" or marry us for our money/looks/brain etc. Yet the Bible says he who seeks friends should show himself friendly and being friendly involves taking a risk. Taking a risk to be civil, to give a smile or a word of encouragement. Isn't that what church is meant to be about?

It isn't easy initiating/maintaining open/honest/accountable relationships that might lead to lifetime friendships/marriages/or maybe a good friend but nothing ventured an old saying goes - nothing ventured.

Some of our brothers in church say its not easy to be friendly with women as they risk being misconstrued. That's life- I shrug if someone misinterpret es a gesture of friendliness you say to yourself - well that was that person and I wont let that stop me from reaching out to people. I would rather be myself than risk missing out on making new friends. I try and shrug rejection off sometimes and adopt a stoical approach. Who knows- for everyone who doesn't want to talk to you there are many others who are praying for someone of your depth, experience and Xtian maturity to come into their life.

Regarding our men I would like to pose the question - What's the worst that could happen if you tried to be more friendly ....even if you get ignored, misconstrued, some one treats you like how dare you have the nerve to come up and say hi to me.......hey ....you win some you lose some. Doesn't that say more about their level of maturity than yours. Selah.

Some of the best friends I have made in Church are people I walked up to and started a conversation with.

OK lets not pull any punches. In some of our churches men and women don't communicate. They might ogle each other during services, ignore each other, wonder what it might be like to date or even get married each other, work alongside each other in the same children's church for years but communicate? That seems to be a bit problematic. It reminds me of those old Victorian dramas where people related to members of the opposite sex in stilted awkward tones and relied upon (their parents, elders, pastors etc) to do any kind of match matching. Sound vaguely familiar?

Where are the avenues for healthy communication in our churches? Singles fellowships are good but some times its a rushed gathering and not enough time is left for people to get to talk to each other. Discussions are very helpful and educative but sometimes like in words of the old BT advert - its good to talk. You can see how eager people are to chat when they do have the chance- its like the minute they step out of singles fellowship they revert to going back into their shells and put their masks back on.

I observe the younger singles in church and find it quite refreshing the way they interact normally with each other in an unfettered way which opens the door for building healthy and godly relationships between the sexes which gives way for people to learn from each other. Maybe the over thirties can learn from them?

I wonder sometimes - if you don't talk to us how are you ever going to know how differently the sexes think, react to things, what drives them etc - or do you think that when when you start going out with someone, that knowledge will just come to you by divine revelation? That's why you guys need to talk to us ( we might give you the tips you need to recognise that woman of your dreams !)

In all honesty - not every attempt at friendliness by a female is a sign of desperation or a covert attempt to hunt you down as a husband. Sometimes a person is just being friendly.

Note for the men - Try saying hello to a member of the opposite sex after church this Sunday you might be pleasantly surprised. We like decent conversation too and surprisingly its not just about hair, nails, 'Big Brother' or the latest plot on ' Desperate Housewives' (if you are are desperate enough to watch that kind of stuff). We might be able to tell you what we think about the war on terror, the innocents dying in Afghanistan and Iraq or whether Steve McClaren is a better replacement on Sven for the English Football team.