Sunday, 11 April 2010

Guidelines for raising perfect children

  • Ensure that they have everything they want. NEVER EVER say no to them - food, clothes, designer gear, electronic toys.
  • Never set boundaries for them
  • Always take them side against authorities like teachers, old people and the police. Encourage them to blame everything on every 'ism' there is - racism, sexism etc and if this fails there is always 'the system'. Always encourage them to see themselves as victims of this 'system'.
  • Encourage them to eat enough cholesterol and drink enough Alcohol to give them serious health concerns for the future
  • Never tell them to think about getting a career, having aspirations for the future and studying because this might get them bullied for being 'teachers pet'.
  • Encourage them to mirror themselves after 'celebs' like football players, pop stars and the kind of people that keep tabloid magazines and newspapers front pages occupied
  • Swear copiously in front of them so that when they grow up they can use this language on members of the public, the police or their teachers and probably eventually, you.
  • Laugh and encourage them to play their MP3 loudly on public transport
  • Laugh and encourage them to eat smelly food on trains
  • Laugh and encourage them to believe that society and the world owes them so that they do not grow up with any sense of responsibility for their own lives or destiny
  • Encourage yourself that as difficult as it is - you will do your best to give your child the best chance he can get by ensuring that the above points just remain a figment of your worst nightmares - or a good guide on how not to raise children.
  • N.B - Perfect children do not exist. Even in fairy tale books - there was always some kid who just would not do what he was told.......

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